Somatic Aliveness

  For queer people, sexual desire often longs for wings—seeking to rise beyond the gravity of shame and heteronormative oppression . The queer body remembers; stories of homophobic wounding,   traces of which can be read in the patterns of the nervous system. When homoerotic desire has been bound too tightly to shame, the body may come to experience pleasure not as invitation but as danger. Desire hesitates at the edge of threat, and when pleasure is blocked, a restless urgency begins to stir—an ache for release, for a way through. From this tension, desperate pathways may emerge, including chemsex, as an attempt to slip past the sentinels of shame and reclaim a fleeting sense of freedom. Paradoxically, chemsex can offer a fleeting escape from shame, yet its relief is often ephemeral. In the wake of use, crashes, risky encounters, or choices that betray one’s own values can stir a tide of guilt and regret. These echoes of shame do not fade quietly—they linger, feeding vuln...